I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize