i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Randomize
