So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
