My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
