but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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