she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
