They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize