My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
bring money and cleavage
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
