I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
