I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
