I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
