it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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