Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
