What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
