He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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