Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
