I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
