After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
