i jhust puked up my retainher.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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