Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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