Princesses don't give blow jobs
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
