Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
