just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
