You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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