jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
