so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We need a shit load of segways right now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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