it hurts more in the daytime
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I am full of burrito and curiosity
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
