The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
