Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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