he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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