my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
