On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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