I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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