I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
