I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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