Who did Billy Mays play for?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
