Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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