She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
