Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
