I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
