Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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