meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
