All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
