My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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