She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize