Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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