he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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