This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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