she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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