the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wish you could order shots online.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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