So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
third nipple confirmed
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
