Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
