At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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