they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize