I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
