last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
