i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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