I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
