dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
