let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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