I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
