Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
