your thong is hanging out like whoa
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
