Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
