He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Damn victory sex feels great
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
