Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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