I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
