o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
