Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
