Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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