dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
