I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
